Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Ā Love More Now!

FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS!

DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS THAT JUST CARRY YOU AWAY AND COLOR YOUR WHOLE WORLD GRAY? Don’t worry! Such feelings are often created by fearful thoughts that arenā€™t even true.

For example, we live in the wreckage of our future (ā€œIts going to be awful!ā€) or we create ā€œunenforceable rulesā€ (ā€œThis should (or should not happenā€). Often, we try to change the past by thinking how it ā€œcould haveā€ been better.

Such thoughts are driven by the fear-driven belief that, if we just think long and hard enough, we can protect ourselves (and our loved ones) from pain and harm.

SO, HEREā€™S THE TRUTH: We donā€™t have the means to make people and things exactly as we want them. We just arenā€™t that powerful.

AND, HEREā€™S THE GOOD NEWS: We can find peace of mind and contentment in the midst of our fearful feelings and thoughts. Why? BECAUSE WE CAN CHOOSE WHAT FILLS OUR MIND.

HOW? Meditation, walks outside, stretching, yoga, prayer, reading or watching inspiring books/movies, spiritual practices, energy work, and thought-correction can all soothe our most difficult feelings. Good healthy friends or counselors really help too.

When we get still and listen to our inner wisdom (or that of another), we receive the comfort of ACCEPTANCE (non-attachment to specific outcomes). Further, we find ways to address those problems that still bother usā€”IF they are still bothering us (quite often, theyā€™ve shrunken down to nothing!).

NEXT TIME YOUR FEELINGS are having a hissy fit, stand apart from them for a moment to recognize theyā€™re mostly a result of inaccurate and disturbing thoughts. Then, ask yourself, ā€œWhat healthy actions can I take to soothe my mind and body?ā€ And then, do that!

PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITE WAYS OF SOOTHING UPSET FEELINGS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. THANKS!!

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. When I quit drinking, I was left with only my fears and worries. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery proĀ­grams, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. It contains practical strategies with directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (48 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) ā€œEven though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didnā€™t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.ā€

LISTENING: AN ART GUIDED BY THE HEART

talk at barbecue

In your relationships, are you really listening?

Do you try to understand the other person’s point before offering your own ideas?

Giving your complete attention to another personā€™s words offers him a treasureā€”a sincere gesture of care. Unfortunately, most of us respond to our loved ones either by telling stories about our own past or offering solutions.

Both types of responses prevent seeking to understand first, perhaps the most important of Stephen Coveyā€™s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Listening from the Heart

When in a conversation with someone, open your heart, empty your mind, and listen. If you notice yourself thinking about your own past, refocus your attention on what he is saying. If youā€™re tempted to suggest solutions, remind yourself that actively listening is your goal.

To show your intent to understand, briefly summarize what you think you heard. After that personā€™s reply, summarize again.

Listening in this way not only shows that you careā€”it also invites the person to clarify his own thoughts and feelings, often leading to helpful insights. Perhaps the initial “problem” is something else entirely.

For example, if a friend tells you sheā€™s worried about losing her job because her boss constantly criticizes her, tune in, breathe, and resist the urge to tell your own tale about a bad boss. Then paraphrase her words: ā€œIt sounds like you get a lot of negative responses from him.ā€ Your friend replies, ā€œWell, itā€™s not really criticism. Itā€™s just that he has such high expectations.ā€ Then you summarize (without giving advice), ā€œHmmm, high expectations. Tell me more about those high expectations.ā€

Responding in these ways elicits her feelings and encourages more detail, allowing both of you to explore the problemĀ before seeking positive ways to address it.

Try It Out!

ā€‚1.Ā  Select a friend or coworker whoā€™s easy to talk to, and plan a 15-minute conversation without interruption.

ā€‚2.  You may want to begin by explaining that youā€™re working on your listening skills and reassure the person you have only good intentionsā€”to understand what they say.

ā€‚3.  Ask the person to begin talking about something happening in their life. Listen intently while resisting your urge to break in with your own experiences or solutions.

ā€‚4.Ā  When the person stops, pause to see if theyā€™ve finished talking and take a moment to prepare your response. Select the most important parts of what was said and summarize one of them in your own wordsā€”for example, ā€œSo, you said (fill in blank). Tell me more about thatā€ or ā€œYou mentioned the word (fill in blank). What does that mean to you?ā€ TIP: If youā€™re talking less, and theyā€™re talking more, then youā€™re doing great!

ā€‚5.Ā  If it seems acceptable to the other person, at the end of the conversation, ask how it felt toĀ be listened to this way.

Make It A Habit

In your everyday interactions, make a conscious effort to listen carefully to others and paraphrase what you heard. Withhold your own thoughts and reactions until you fully comprehend the other personā€™s position or experience. You will be amazed by the good will you create (and what you learn about the other person!)

Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is an acclaimed teacher, author, and speaker who has helped thousands improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnā€™t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

Meet My Buddy, Harriet Hunter

Harriet Hunter and I met online through a FaceBook group for writers. We hit it off immediately and began to exchange e-mails and encourage one another.

You see, we were each about to launch our books. And we couldn’t stand the excitement! I offered to do an advance review of “Miracles of Recovery,” and my glowing words now appear on the back cover!

This book is a wonderful gift for anyone in recovery.

I read it every day.

If you’d like a sample, listen to the recording below as Harriet Hunter reads “The Gift of Faith.”

I know you’ll love her infectious enthusiasm for life.

To get more wonderful blogs and daily recordings, go to HarrietHunter.org and sign up!

https://soundcloud.com/harriet-hunter-826173182/october-14-practicing-faith?fbclid=IwAR1UyGuUzmkZE5G_8NE9WXNilAEAgKJx9ZQEYUsdAlsLxa0lmzMRJsBeywY

One day, Harriet emailed me about a book fair she was attending about three hours from me. We decided to share a table to showcase our books. We had never met face-to-face until that weekend, and we became fast friends immediately!

Get to know Harriet through her wonderful website, HarrietHunter.org She’s a star!

Sisters are the Best!

This blog post is a bit late because I had the most wonderful week with my sisters and a good friend. They flew in last Monday from D.C. and Texas to stay with me. (Peter–wisely–escaped on a short trip out of town!)

It was so much fun to share with them the wonders of southeast Michigan! First we went to Ann Arbor, one of the premier college towns in the country. We had fun visiting the campus and shopping downtown. After a leisurely lunch, we came home and watched the Nationals beat the Brewers. Lots of baseball fans in my family!

On Wednesday we toured the revitalized city of Detroit. The Motown Museum was totally worth the low cost and we had an awesome guide for the one-hour tour. (If you go, you must have reservations). Woodward Avenue is so gorgeous now! My sisters had to check out the Shinola watch store in the beautifully renovated Shinola hotel. We finished the day at the famous Slow’s Barbecue in the Corktown. Yum!

On rainy Thursday, we had brunch at Anna’s House Restaurant and went to see the movie “Judy.” Our mom had been a great fan, so we had to see the bittersweet story of Judy Garland’s last years. Peter came back to town and joined us for dinner at Moro’s, a genteel Italian restaurant near Dearborn. Friday saw my sisters leaving, and I sure do miss them now.

There is nothing like sisters! But what if you don’t have any, or if you’re estranged? Well, there’s a simple solution: adopt them! Those of us in 12-Step programs have it easy with sponsors, sponsees, and recovering friends. But, most groups of like-minded people will bring you rich, caring relationships that can be counted on.

Let me know about the “sisters” you’ve discovered and the fun things you’ve done together. I’d love to hear…

PS: You may know that the Audiobook for Worry Less Now is available from Amazon, Audible, and i-tunes. Use this link to purchase it Adbl.co/2MqkjVL Be sure to get the comprehensive PDF/Workbook that comes with it.

ALSO, if you or someone you know has a blog related to recovery, audiobooks, or wellness, please refer them to my blog tour. They’ll get a free audiobook, the PDF, and a chance to win 2 Skype sessions with me. Registration closes Oct. 15. Click here