Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Ā Love More Now!

THE BEST GIFT OF ALL: COURAGE!

worry less now courageĀ  Ā I donā€™t know about you, but when I face a big challenge, I need time to muster the courage to begin. Since Iā€™ve taken on so many things that initially scared the crap out of me, Iā€™ve learned to accept my initial doubts as part of the process, and then work my way through them until my courage returns.

You may remember I wrote that I would begin recording my audio book of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now on December 5. Well, technically, I DID begin, but that involved 2 weeks ofĀ  dealing with my fears!

During that time, my negativity whispered to me, ā€œItā€™s too much work! Itā€™s too technical! You wonā€™t be able to do it! Itā€™s going to cost a fortune anyway!ā€ Iā€™m so familiar with such fears, I went into my ā€œgain courageā€ mode with the following actions.

  • Attended spiritually-based meetings (e.g., A Course in Miracles and 12-Step groups).
  • Stepped up my prayer and meditation practice.
  • Posted an affirmation on my bathroom mirror: ā€œI create a wonderful audio book in a wonderful way; I offer wonderful service for wonderful pay.ā€
  • Met with my spiritual advisor to share my concerns and gain a new perspective.
  • Asked my support team (that includes you!) to visualize me holding a completed and successful audio book.
  • Listened to expert advice about how to create an audio book, and kept telling myself, ā€œYou can do this.ā€
  • Set up my new microphone in a prominent place so I could ā€œmake friendsā€ with it.
  • Forgave myself for my impatience and irritability while I waited for sufficient courage to begin the project.
  • Enjoyed golf, spending time with my husband and friends, and going to the pool.

A week ago, when I texted my niece to wish her a happy 17th birthday, I included a few things about our holiday plans and my desire to make an audio book. She replied, ā€œIā€™m really excited youā€™re recording an audio book. You should film the process on your phone so we can see. I have always wanted to see what it is like to do that!ā€

Boom! The turning point had arrived! My nieceā€™s words ignited my enthusiasm and I immediately made a 5-minute video sharing how I connected my microphone and loaded the recording software. It was so much fun! In the next few days, I recorded two more episodes showing all the materials I was studying and how I made my first recording. Now Iā€™m pausing during the holidays while I prepare the manuscript for reading and practice my narrating skills.

In the meantime, here are my videos!Ā  Ā Disclaimer from a former perfectionist:Ā  I’ll get (a little) better at videos, but my main focus is getting the audio book done; so videos aren’t polished.

Thank you for sharing the journey with me. Itā€™s a lot more fun with buddies who follow along, and Iā€™ve already gotten some good suggestions for making audio books. If you have any tips, please send them along.

Finally, Iā€™m wishing to all who celebrate Christmas:Ā  Have a wonderful holiday. And my hope for all of us: A happy and joyous New Year!

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 32 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. Her new book is available from Amazon, and in various formats here .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO EASY WAYS TO STAY SANE DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Let go worry less now gigi langerAs we approach the holidays, we often find ourselves triggered by feelings of:Ā Overwhelm (How will I get it all done?);Ā Worry (How am I going to handle this family member?);Ā Self-pity (I feel so alone; no one loves me!);Ā Shame (Will they ever forgive me and trust me again?); orĀ Resentment (Why does she/he get so much more attention, money, love than I do?)

I know these feelings well. Just let me get too afraid, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, and the negativity goes on a spree inside my head.

Since the holidays are ripe for such challenges, I want to share my two favorite ways to restore my sanity and balance when Iā€™ve lost it.Ā Iā€™ve memorized each of them and they really work!

Whenever you have a negative thought or action toward anything or anyone, pause, remove yourself from the situation (if possible), and repeat the phrases of “Loving-Kindness” or “The Activity of God.” Then notice how you begin to calm down and gain a new perspective. When you return to the situation youā€™ll find yourself thinking and responding differently.

Loving-Kindness Practice

The loving-kindness practice Buddhists call metta calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness and love, and connects you with the power within your true self. The practice also asks for the healing of your fears, worries, and negative thinking so you can serve othersā€™ growth.

1) Say the words aloud:

  • May I be at peace.Ā Ā May my heart remain open.
  • May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
  • May I be healed.Ā May I be a source of healing for all beings.

2) With one or more of your loved ones in mind, say the prayer again changing I to you: ā€œMay you be at peace. May your heartā€¦.ā€

3) Next, change you to we: ā€œMay we be at peaceā€¦.ā€

4) Now use the ā€œMay youā€ version of the prayer for a person you feel is causing you worry, frustration, or pain: “May you (name) be at peace…”

The Activity of God, by Sig Paulson, Daily Word (UnityĀ Church)Ā 

This affirmation reminds me that negative thoughts are making my problems appear bigger than they are; and these appearances are just that, figments of my overactive imagination. It shrinks my fears by reminding me of who I truly am: an individual expression of a loving power.

  • The activity of God is the only power at work in my mind, heart, and life.
  • All false beliefs, all negative appearances are dissolved right now by the loving, forgiving action of God.
  • I am whole, strong, and free, as God created me to be.

1) First, you assert God (or higher power, true self, etc.) is bigger than your past wounds, stronger than your worries and fears, and wiser than your intellect. This benevolent power is the only one you want to influence your life.

2) Next, you claim your loving power has dissolved your negative beliefs and fearful imaginings. (I love the image of dissolving; I see it as washing out, softening, and reducing the sludge-like fears and worries of my mind.)

3) In this same sentence, you encounter the words, forgiving action of God. This forgiveness doesnā€™t refer to sin or any other dogma. It simply means releasing the negative thoughts and actions that separate you from others.

4) Finally, you claim the truth of who you are; not the person you may present to the world, but your true self, endowed with positive power, whole, strong and free.

This holiday season, I wish you patience, acceptance, and kindnessā€”and the ability to attain peace of mind when you get triggered into negativity.

Ā Gigi Langer, PhD, wrote the award-winning 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity and Connection. FiveĀ stars on Amazon plus rave reviews. All order links here.

How to Stay Serene with Your Family During The Holidays

worry less now gigi langerThose of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes often have an especially hard time staying serene during the holiday season. For example, long ago I saw a TV ad showing a smiling, happy family sharing Christmas dinner. I just blew up, ā€œThatā€™s not how it was at my home!ā€ Later, I wrote this poem.

Possum Hill Christmas

Ā ā€œIā€™m the youngest of four at this Christmas dinner. My feet dangleā€”clean socks, patent leather shoes. We sit, waiting for Dad to come home. Momā€™s tense, fretting over peas, turkey, and gravy. Her mother is quiet, reserved, disapproving. Something unspoken thickens the air. But we pretend it isnā€™t there. Finally, he arrives, boots muddying the carpet, drunken roars clouding the air. I sink lower and lower into my chair. This isnā€™t happening. Iā€™m not here.ā€

[Read how I healed the insecurities created by these and other events in Chapter 5 of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.]

So many of us have harsh memories of the drunken bashes and ugly scenes birthed by copious amounts of holiday ā€œspirits.ā€ What an upside-down way of celebrating Christā€™s birth! We knew we were supposed to be happy, but all too often we felt hurt and confused.

Ā Family Holidays:Ā Tips To Stay Serene

Now, however, weā€™re no longer at the mercy of others. We can choose to be serene with our families by using the following tips.

  • Family Wounds. If you were harmed by your family members OR if you harmed the family you created, the damage may take years to heal. Instead of trying to fix that, we first heal ourselves and gain spiritual strength. If being with your own family might prove too distressing this year, feel free to set some boundaries.
  • Time with Family. Early on, I discovered (the hard way!) that, after about three days, I reverted to my old insecurities and unhappiness. So, I kept my family visits short. After a few years of growth, I was able to extend my time and stay serene.
  • Prayer and Meditation. To prepare for family gatherings, I often increase my prayer and meditation. If I start feeling upset or defensive during the visit, I use one of my favorite prayers : ā€œPlease help me to see this (situation, family member, etc.) differently.ā€ It acknowledges that my perceptions are clouded by judgment or anger; and that a power greater than my self-centered fear can restore my serenity. I also use guided meditations to reprogram my tension or negativity, for example Kelly Hineā€™s bodyandsoulretreats.com and Kristin Neffā€™s SelfCompassion.org.

My Wish for You

I wish you the wisdom and power to put your own happiness and serenity ahead of the need to please others, especially family, during this holiday season. I send you lots of love and encouragement!

What are some of your favorite ways of staying serene during the holidays? Please share them in the comments section below.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer
From me to you!

Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry” whoĀ  holds an MA in Psychology and PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnā€™t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, and lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

HOW AND WHY I PRAY–A LOT!

worry less now prayBefore I got sober, I didn’t pray, unless you count uttering in desperation, ā€œHelp me!ā€Ā  Even though I I didn’t know what it meant, I memorized the Lordā€™s prayer, just to fit in at my best friendā€™s church. I had no idea that connecting regularly with a Higher Power could solve my troubles and fears.

Six Reasons to Pray

These days, I pray a lot. Here’s why it helps, according to my favorite author, Karen Casey.

ā€œ(1) Prayer promises relief when we are anxious.

(2) Prayer connects us with our Higher Power when we feel isolated and full of fear.

(3) Prayer frees our minds from the obsession to plan other people’s lives.

(4) Prayer helps us take action when we feel compelled to change the circumstances of our lives.

(5) Prayer becomes a wonderful resource to draw on when living through our painful moments.

(6) And prayer gives us the willingness to accept God’s solution for every problem that plagues Ā us.ā€ (from Karen Caseyā€™s A Life of My Own)

My friends say that praying is asking, and meditation is listening to the God of our understanding. So, in addition to prayer, I meditate to gain all the wise direction I can get! (I also attend meetings, do service work, and read inspiring spiritual texts to keep myself balanced and stress-free).

Prayer and Meditation

In the past few years, Iā€™ve stepped up my prayer and meditation because of one of the scariest challenges of my life: writing and publishing a very revealing self-help book. I often say, ā€œGod made me do itā€ because I found myself running up the stairs with enthusiasm to write. And I found just the right people to help me publish it.

Last February, I released the paperback and e-book of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection. Recently, several people have requested an audio version of the book. As soon as I decided to record it, I was filled with fear and resistance. It just seemed like tooĀ  much work!

The Prayer of Jabez

Thatā€™s when I remembered The Prayer of Jabez, a small book my sister-in-law sent me several years ago. The prayer comes from this Bible verse: “Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, saying, ‘Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from the evil one.’ And God granted his request.” (1 Chronicles 4:10, NIV)

Iā€™ve adapted it to the following four steps. (If you use the prayer, feel free to substitute your own word for ā€œGod.ā€)

1) Godā€™s blessings. I ask for Godā€™s blessings and thank Him for the good things I already have.

2) Expansion of territory. I ask that God enlarge the number of people who benefit from my words and actions.

3) The presence of Godā€™s hand. I ask for Godā€™s power and guidance to serve the many new people reading and listening to my words.

4) Protection from harm. I ask God to protect me from negative thinking and selfish motives–that I remain open to do His will, not my own.

Itā€™s just the right prayer to overcome my fears about making an audio book. Iā€™ve read several articles on how to do this, and it requires quite a bit of equipment, patience, and time. But, I know it will do the most good if I record it in my own voice. So, here we go. . . Letā€™s call in all that power and courage!

A Request for Your Good Thoughts and Prayer

I plan to start on December 1st. Please wish me luck in this endeavor, as I continue to pray for blessings, increased readership, power to serve my new readers, and protection from fear and doubt. Thanks to all of you for your support, and thank You, God, for this adventure!

Worry Less Now by Gigi LangerGigi Langer is the author ofĀ 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.Ā 5 Stars on Amazon and winner of the Indie Excellence Award. Get 20% off here with promo code 20lessnow. (No discount at Amazon or e-books)

Worry Less Now bookGigi had a long career teaching and writing in education. She holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychological Studies in Education, and has been clean and sober for 32 years.