Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

To Enjoy 2019, Let Go of Resentments

worry less nowWhat would 2019 be like if we let go of all complaints and resentments? If we could admit that perhaps we’re not always right, and released the wounds and conflicts of the past? What if, when we thought of a person we didn’t like, we refused to gossip, criticize, or hate?

That might make for a pretty happy 2019, right?

I’m talking about forgiveness: We leave others’ misdeeds in the past, realize we’ve made similar errors, and find compassion for our common imperfections. It does NOT mean “forgiving and forgetting” or putting up with more mistreatment. When we object to someone’s behavior, we can set boundaries. But we don’t continue to hate them.

A LESSON IN FORGIVENESS

In William P. Young’s best seller, The Shack, the main character, Mack, is grief stricken and cannot shake his overwhelming sadness and anger after his daughter is abducted and killed.

One day, he receives a mysterious invitation to go alone to a shack in the woods. When he arrives, a heavyset black woman flings open the door, enfolds him in her arms, and says, “Welcome, Mack! I’m so glad you came!” She asks to be called Papa, the name his lost daughter and wife had used for God. Soon he meets Jesus, a Middle Eastern man wearing a tool belt; and Sarayu, a diaphanous presence of goodness.

Throughout the weekend, these three teach Mack about love and forgiveness. In one scene, Mack goes to a cave to meet Sophia, who is sitting in a large, raised judge’s chair. She fixes her eyes on Mack and cautions him not to consider his daughter’s death as a tragedy, leaving only pain in its path. Sophia tells him our human perspective is too limited to perceive the perfect order of things; therefore, we need to stop judging and surrender our thinking to a wiser power.

Later, after Mack asks if he must stop hating the man who killed his daughter, Jesus replies, “Forgiveness is . . . about letting go of another person’s throat.”

When Mack asks how to do this, Jesus suggests saying, “I forgive you” a hundred times for a few days. He adds that such acts of forgiveness would open Mack’s heart and bring God great joy. He follows this advice and finds freedom from his overwhelming pain.

YOUR OWN FORGIVENESS WORK

Do you have a situation or person that stirs up negative feelings in you? Perhaps it’s time to begin working toward forgiveness by using growth practices such as prayer, meditation, therapy, or 12-step work. Also, I’ve experienced great healing with Colin Tipping’s Radical Forgiveness. 

You’ll know you’ve forgiven a person or situation when you can no longer generate the “hot” feelings of anger, self-righteousness, or sadness listed on the left side of the table below. Your renewed perspective is softer and more peaceful, as shown on the right.

Non-Forgiveness (Worry and Fear) Forgiveness (Peace and Joy)
Resentment or anger Freedom to give and receive love
Judging others and myself Seeing the essence of goodness in others and myself
Hating and attacking through words or thoughts Remaining openhearted and compassionate toward others
Thinking I would be better than that (Pride) Realizing that we all make mistakes (Humility)
Resisting life through frustration or irritability Accepting life by being in the present moment
Wishing things were different and attaching to those outcomes Trusting perfect order through non-attachment
Defensiveness and insecurity Peace, trust, and courage

As you release the negative, more love flows into your life and out to others–it’s the very best way to live! I wish you a happy and resentment-free new year!

GET 20% off Award-Winning 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Worry Less NowPeace, Clarity, and Connection.  5-stars on Amazon. Use “20lessnow” code here.  No discount from Amazon. Find e- book links at gigilanger.com.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer
From me to you!

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 32 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. 

 

 

MAKE A 2018 GRATITUDE LIST!

worry less now gigi langer
From Unsplash

Dear Blog Followers,

We hope you and your loved ones are well and we send our best wishes for a happy holiday season and a wonderful 2019.  As you know, “counting your blessings” is a great way to feel better about almost anything. So, here are a few of my favorites from 2018 . . . plus the next big goal!

Gigi’s 2018 Gratitude List

  • You and all “Gigi Langer” followers. Without your appreciation and enthusiasm for what I write, this site would not exist. You motivate me to share ideas and experiences that might be helpful or inspiring. And I absolutely LOVE it when you comment on my posts–both here and in FaceBook. So, here’s a big THANK YOU for your encouragement!
  • An active and fun life. Peter (my 4th husband–yup!) and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary in 2019. I’m so grateful that we still love every moment together. We both play a little golf and enjoy time with friends. Peter’s got lots of  home projects going, and I’m still very involved in supporting my own and others’ recovery from addiction and alcoholism.
  • Our families. We are all well and happy. A few have left us: my mother in Dec. 2014 and our brother-in-law, Kyran, last spring.  I enjoy time with my sisters and brother, and with Peter’s family. Every year we all realize how precious are the hours together.
  • Inspiration and service. For the past few years, I’ve been attending A Course in Miracles study group at Karen Casey’s home. This is such a gift, as she’s long been one of my writing idols (So many of us in recovery have used her daily meditation books, e.g., Each Day a New Beginning, from Hazelden.) I’m also so grateful to my fellow Board Members of the Ann Arbor Women’s Group; for 11 years we’ve been connecting women in sobriety!
  • Live music. This year we saw The Music Man (Peter’s favorite), My Fair Lady, Martin Sexton (if you don’t know his music, check it out here; he’s phenomenal, especially live), a full performance of the Messiah (it “took me to church”), and Peter’s favorite group Manhattan Transfer (masters of vocal-harmony-jazz). Last week we attended Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas”  and the song “count your blessings instead of sheep” prompted this gratitude list.
  • I published my book! 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, And Connection was a huge endeavor, occupying most of 2012-2017. Possum Hill Press published it in February 2018, and it has already earned great reviews on Amazon and from Publisher’s Weekly (BookLife), Midwest Book Review, and The Library Journal. Last summer, it received the 2018 National Indie Excellence Award in the self-help category.
  • The next project. One of my biggest life surprises occurred when God tapped me on the shoulder and had me enthusiastically running up to my office to write a book. Now that it’s completed, he’s sent another little nudge: Make an audio book! It’s taken me a while to warm up to the idea, but I’m doing it (How can you say “No!” to God?).  Check out  my first 3 videos showing how I’m approaching this task. They’re on YouTube too (Gigi Langer). Here’s the link for the fourth video, Gigi Makes an Audio Book, part 4.

Perhaps you too will make a gratitude list for 2018. Focusing on the good things brings more of the same into your life. I’d love to see your list!

I give thanks for every one of you who reads what I write, and look forward to our continued partnership in giving and receiving love.

worry less nowA shameless ad from Gigi: Order my book on Amazon (free shipping with Prime) OR go to www.gigilanger.com, click on Seattle Book Company, and use “20lessnow” code to lower the price (to reimburse you for shipping). If interested, also check out my blog and/or my FaceBook (FB) posts. Finally, if you will (or have) read the book, I’d appreciate your reviews on Goodreads, FB Gigi Langer Author, and Amazon. Thank you!

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 32 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. Her new book is available from Amazon, and in various formats here .

14 WAYS TO FIX YOUR BAD MOOD

worry less now gigi langerGOT A  (*?!@&)  ATTITUDE?      At this time of shorter days, low-pressure fronts, and colder temps, it’s  all too easy to get caught up in negativity. Even though I just wrote a book about worrying less, it doesn’t mean I’m never in a bad mood. It just means I have effective tools to change it.

Here I share a few of my favorite ones.

Recently I’ve been upset by some not-so-gently-delivered criticism, a loved-one’s illness, and a bad reaction to some medicine. When such things appear to “go wrong,” my ego claims, “This shouldn’t be happening!! Let’s figure out how to change it!” Then the overthinking begins — and peace is lost. It might take a while to admit that I’m focusing only on what I don’t like. But eventually, I realize that I need to do something to restore my peace of mind.

In this case, I did a guided meditation, made a gratitude list, and took a short walk. My bad mood vanished! Here are more of my favorite ways to turn around a negative attitude.

14 Ways to Fix a Bad Mood

1. Check to be sure you’ve eaten well and rested well. If you haven’t, take better care of yourself. Avoid over-work, over eating, over-drinking, and drugs.

2. List five things you’re grateful for.  Do this every day without repeating any item.

3. Meditate and/or pray. Use the free app, Insight Timer or other tools. Do this every day for at least ten minutes.

4. Exercise, walk, or do yoga. These activities are proven to increase positive brain chemicals and feelings.

5. Do something nice for someone. Smile at a stranger, compliment a server, or send a friend a loving note.

6. Listen to uplifting music or podcasts/radio; read inspiring books or blogs; or watch a positive movie (I loved “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” about Mr Rogers).

7. Talk with a healthy, supportive friend who has a positive attitude toward the world.

8. Give yourself permission to turn off negative TV or radio broadcasts. Also avoid extended time with negative people.

9. Avoid gossip and look for the strengths, rather than the faults, in the people around you.

10. Stop using the words “should” and “ought.” Cultivate the habit of humility—admit that you don’t know everything and just let some mysteries be.

11. Imagine that someone you love is feeling the way you are. Then say to yourself what you would say to comfort that person. (Self compassion: See Kristin Neff).

12. Know that your thoughts and feelings do not define who you are; that you have a choice about what fills your mind. Slowly breathe in goodness and breathe out negativity. Keep doing this until your body and mind calm down.

13. Write down your thoughts and feelings and see which ones are really true. Are they permanent? Is there another way to look at the things that bother you? Circle the ones you know are untrue and turn them around (to learn how, see “The Work” by Byron Katie)

14. When in a conflict, WAIT a day or two before acting. Use the techniques here to calm down and find peace. Do not try to change minds or resolve conflicts through any electronic means. Face-to-face communication is best for relationships you value (yes, it takes courage to listen and share).

I’m so grateful that, once I decide to fix my bad mood, I have the tools to do so. And they work!  Ahhhh . . . I feel such peace!

worry less nowGigi Langer is the former “Queen of Worry” who  holds an MA in Psychology and PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, and lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

For specific tools to overcome negativity and worry, check out my award-winning book 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.” 

STOP An Anxiety Attack

Anger Worry Less Now

I recently had an upsetting encounter with a friend when I kept trying to set a boundary that was repeatedly ignored, and then it escalated into a shouting match. Afterward, my body was shaking with anger and anxiety; I was in full-out fight-or-flight mode.

Choosing Self-Care

Although I was tempted to keep the drama going by replaying the incident and defending myself with thoughts of how I had been right, or what I “should” have said or done, I did something different.

I decided to calm myself down and enjoy the rest of the day. So, I went into a bathroom, closed the door, said a prayer, and did some energy tapping with soothing self-talk. Then I used the following technique to dissolve the adrenaline flooding my system. The whole process took about ten minutes, and afterward, I had a wonderful day.

The 5,4,3,2,1 Technique to Manage Anxiety

  • Take a few slow belly-inflating breathes and remind yourself that your body has just felt threatened and is reacting normally.
  • Name 5 things you can see around you (Examples: rug, painting)
  • Name 4 things you can feel (feet on the floor, cool air on the skin)
  • Name 3 things you can hear right now (a fan running, people’s voices outside)
  • Name 2 things you can smell right now (perfumed soap)
  • Name 1 good thing about yourself (“I am strong,” “I can help myself through this.”)

If you simply can’t focus, or if your body and mind haven’t yet settled down, take a few more belly-inflating breaths, and tell yourself that you can calm down. Then do the exercise again. It may take several minutes of repetition before the adrenaline dissipates.

According to independent.co.uk, “the trick, which relies on sensory awareness, is rooted in mindfulness – and apart from anxiety, it can help treat depression, addiction disorders, lower blood pressure, and relieve stress (Harvard University Helpguide.org).”

Whenever you suffer from incessant thinking, worry, tension, anger, or fear, this practice will return you to a more relaxed state. It sure worked for me!

Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.